Neil Hamburger at the High Noon Saloon
First, the formalities. Neil Hamburger began his set Thursday night at the High Noon Saloon with a customary series of mucous-gagged coughs into the microphone, and placed several constantly spilling rocks glasses on a chair. Eventually, he spoke: “Before we get started here, I have a rather serious admission to make... I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal case of funny-guy-itis!”
Next in the customary progress of the set, the audience got to hear what “current” pop-culture obsession Hamburger had most recently picked up on his glacial journey through the sordidness and sanctimony of showbiz. The fictitious hack comedian, complete with cheap tuxedo, grease-smeared combover, and post-punchline whimpers of shame, settled into a vein of jokes on “slovenly mime Britney Spears .”
“Why did Britney Spears toss a dozen buffalo chicken wings into the toilet bowl? Because she mistook it for her own open mouth.”
Fashionable outfits are still allowed – we are gay after all. But forget the shirt open to the belt cutting into the over-hanging gut. Look in the mirror. And, for goodness sake, clip your ear and nose hair, keep your beard neat or shave and forget the
Arrested on the spot was Jodie Foster obsessive John Hinckley Jr – a man who had seen Taxi Driver 12 times and claimed to be attempting to impress the actress by assassinating the President. Tried in 1982, Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of
He stepped over that gray line from dedicated recreational athlete to obsessive-ville. He now occupies alternate universes of sustainable power, watts and split times. He knows his resting heart rate: 36 beats per minute. He shaves his arms and legs.
Nearly 10 months after I had started, I was just under 85kg, a total loss of about 43kg. To an outside observer, my efforts may have sometimes verged on an obsession: while my flatmates were relaxing in front of the television after work with a bag of
